Thursday, May 19, 2011

Quick Update

Well, it's been a week and a half since finding out that Colton has Autism. The overwhelming devastation and grief at first, transferred to then anger and sadness, then disappointment and acceptance, then hope and then I cycle all back through it again on a daily basis.

My mind has been working non stop. NON stop. I'm constantly on the phone calling people, setting up appointments, reading, and trying to figure out our future with what was already tricky with a move to Columbus for Mike to go to grad school and getting rid of our house. Throw this on top of it and life pretty much doesn't stop or my mind.

Autism is tricky because there are a million different opinions of why, therapies to use, and results shown. And every kid in the autism spectrum is entirely different. Kids do anything ranging from a few hours a week of therapy to 40 plus hours. 4o hours? You think I'm joking, I'm not...and we very likely could go that route.

No pressure Ang, it's only your child's entire future on your head. and EVERY decision I made directly impacts his future. If I don't teach him or get someone to HELP teach him things, he will NOT learn them. These things are simple things that most kids pick up...things like, looking at someone when they talk to you, paying attention to what people are doing around you rather than the grass, giving hugs to those you love. All moms need hugs and kisses and smiles. I'm parenting a difficult child withOUT any of those positive reinforcements.

I'm sure there are books out there, but pretty much my book would be titled "Being the mom of an autistic child: the hardest and loneliest job.

If only I could get some hugs from him, it'd keep me going stronger...but I'll just have to settle for me hugging him and having him push off. Sigh.

Sorry for the negative post, maybe I'll post one later today when I'm feeling more hopeful...since I'm always cycling like that.

(oh and Colton has regained some of his language, but mostly still doesn't talk and I can't understand him. At least it's better than last week where we had nothing. This is coming from a kid who was completely talking in sentences a couple months ago).

9 comments:

Kennedy said...

Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your sweet family. We love you! Remember that it is NORMAL for you to have these feelings and to slowly work through them. You are an amazing mom with an amazing son and with your help and help from others you guys are going to have an amazing life. It may be hard to see it right now, but I have faith that it will be.

Make sure you keep getting blessings for yourself. I know that you have probably done it for Colton, but you will need those words of comfort, wisdom and healing too. Take advantage of all that as much as you can.

Again we love and pray for you all daily.

Jill said...

Angie, we love you so. Our hearts are broken, and yet we know that there are better days ahead. I am so glad our little Colton has you and Mike for parents, and I know he loves you, though he lacks the skills to show it. You will get through this. You will not be alone. And there will be joy again.

Brooke said...

My mind spins just thinking about all you have to think about. Colton is so lucky to have you and Mike. You can do this. You are doing it. The progress you have made in the past week is leaps and bounds from where you were. You are a super woman, maybe a tired super woman, but SUPER none the less. You go girl.

Hannah said...

One thing I know: You are so much more than I could ever hope to be, and deserve those hugs more than anyone I've ever known. I promise they will come. In the meantime, we'll be with you to pray for you, weep with you, and rejoice at each little victory.

a said...

I have a good friend going through the same thing. She has dedicated the past 4 years to educating herself on the subject. She could really help you. If you would like to talk with her, let me know. We are thinking of you.

Angela and Mike said...

"a"...can't quite figure out who you are...can you send me an email? angeladrose at gmail . com

jeff said...

Hello Angela,
I am a parent of an 8 year old ASD daughter. She is entirely non verbal and is in diapers. My wife is a flight attendant and I stay at home so I am very familiar with being an autism mom...and dad.
I am also very familiar with the cycle of grief to anger to frustration to hope. I can provide a ton of information from numerous resources and other parents like myself ...mostly moms. I can tell you what I would do if I knew then what I know now and would be happy to share. I can tell you what has helped and what hasn't...in my case. Yes they are are all different but they have many things in common.
It is very difficult on marriages and finances even for the strongest of couples and bank accounts. Therapy is not cheap and usually is only partially covered by insurance. I have questions for you as well so that I can get a better picture of your situation. Please contact me at Jeffbelloni@gmail.com or 972 955 3589.

jeff said...

contains strong language from autism mom. Been there.

http://gaia-health.com/articles451/000457-normalization-autism.shtml

Shannon said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. Our prayers are with you. I hope you have a safe trip to Ohio. Good luck with everything. You're amazing. Sending my love from Utah.