Sunday, September 18, 2011

Grateful

I've been feeling very grateful recently, a new kind of "grateful".

I used to say:
"I'm so blessed, I'm having a healthy pregnancy" (when pregnant)
"I'm so grateful, I have a beautiful healthy baby" (when I had Colton)
"I'm so blessed with my perfect little family. As long as we are all healthy and happy, that's all that matters. Everything will be fine as long as Mike and Colton are fine." (over the past few years)

(Everyone at times goes through hard things. Really hard things.)
Well, what about when you DON'T have a healthy baby, or what about when something bad DOES happen? What happens when your family ISN'T the perfect family you dreamed up?...

...when your child ISN'T okay...

How then...can you still be grateful?

I don't exactly have the answer... but I am learning that feeling grateful is not related to an ABSENCE of trials. I know that I am more grateful right now than I ever have been in my life. I'm grateful for Colton. I'm grateful he is mine. If you lined up a million kids, I STILL would pick him. Autism isn't ideal (and I'm still not quite "grateful" for it yet. I am human afterall.), but I don't even care because Colton is seriously awesome and the coolest kid I know. I'm grateful for every step of progress he makes. I'm grateful for Mike, and his ability to relate and care for Colton. I'm grateful for our therapists. I'm grateful we are able to get him the therapy he needs. I am grateful for a supportive extended family. And most importantly, I'm grateful for the peace I feel. The peace which I know only the Savior can bring.

To me, my little family is perfect. And I feel so blessed.
(See, I told you he was awesome. Pumpkin stickers, PJ pants, football, strolling around the hood. )

12 comments:

Kara said...

Wow. That was beautiful. I too am learning that some of the most intense feelings of gratitude come when life isn't rainbows and unicorns. It's strange to feel so blessed and lucky when there are storm clouds overhead.

You are so real and genuine. Thanks for being that way. You're an incredible example to me.

And I love Colton's swagger in the 'hood. Such a stud.

Brooke said...

I love this post. You may not feel like it, but you are such an example to me of being positive. I love your optimistic outlook on life. The way you live your life lifts others.

I am grateful for you. You are amazing.

lyndsey said...

colton is such a stud and YOU are an amazing woman. i love the perspective the gospel brings and i'm so happy you're able to find some peace. you're my hero girl!

p.s. i love the new blog design, and thanks for linking the stationery place in your sidebar :)

lyndsey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sharon said...

I am more grateful each and every day for you, Colton and Mike. I love your positive attitude in the face of adversity.

Jill said...

Crying sweet tears of gratitude here, myself. Thank you for sharing these beautiful truths. You are wonderful. I am so grateful you and Mike are Colton's parents, and that Colton is our boy.

Vicki said...

Great name for your blog, Angela. Thanks for being an inspiration for all of us.
Vicki Rich

Kennedy said...

Beautiful.

I love this picture of Colton. So classic for his age. Rory is always asking to see pictures of him because he is "too cute." I agree with her. :o)

becca said...

I'm grateful for my sister and her lovely family. :) Those pumpkin stickers are awesomely orange, just like Colton's football. Makes me feel like fall!

The Anaya Family said...

Im sitting at work bawling after I read your post. You are such a smart, beautiful and wonderful Mom and Wife and I admire you. Please tell Mike Hi for me and give Colton a little hug from me and go ahead and hug yourself from me as well. Miss you.

Donna said...

you are perfect....completely perfect

Karen the "Hungry Mom" said...

angela - great post, loved your words