I've been feeling very grateful recently, a new kind of "grateful".
I used to say:
"I'm so blessed, I'm having a healthy pregnancy" (when pregnant)
"I'm so grateful, I have a beautiful healthy baby" (when I had Colton)
"I'm so blessed with my perfect little family. As long as we are all healthy and happy, that's all that matters. Everything will be fine as long as Mike and Colton are fine." (over the past few years)
(Everyone at times goes through hard things. Really hard things.)
Well, what about when you DON'T have a healthy baby, or what about when something bad DOES happen? What happens when your family ISN'T the perfect family you dreamed up?...
...when your child ISN'T okay...
How then...can you still be grateful?
I don't exactly have the answer... but I am learning that feeling grateful is not related to an ABSENCE of trials. I know that I am more grateful right now than I ever have been in my life. I'm grateful for Colton. I'm grateful he is mine. If you lined up a million kids, I STILL would pick him. Autism isn't ideal (and I'm still not quite "grateful" for it yet. I am human afterall.), but I don't even care because Colton is seriously awesome and the coolest kid I know. I'm grateful for every step of progress he makes. I'm grateful for Mike, and his ability to relate and care for Colton. I'm grateful for our therapists. I'm grateful we are able to get him the therapy he needs. I am grateful for a supportive extended family. And most importantly, I'm grateful for the peace I feel. The peace which I know only the Savior can bring.
To me, my little family is perfect. And I feel so blessed.
(See, I told you he was awesome. Pumpkin stickers, PJ pants, football, strolling around the hood. )